happydreamed | Seasons: IC Contact/Overflow

Hm, in that case, I ought to ask him where my invitation is.

Or you could just volunteer, same as everyone else? Yuri made a whole post about it.

Well, yes, but...

[Hmmmm.]

He asked if I was interested in being part of the fundraiser, but other than that he hasn't really mentioned the guild to me. Did you discuss it?

We were talking and I mentioned joining the guilds when they opened, and he was musing about a branch of his guild from his home world. Neither of us ever questioned that I'd be a member... except.

Well. The rules. And my tendency to go on rampages.

So, not an invitation, but he did at least mention it to you directly. He did ask me if I wanted to participate in the fundraiser, which one would think would be an excellent time to ask if I wanted to be in the guild.

For goodness' sake. Just ask him. If you turn it into why didn't he invite you and this and that, he'll just feel bad.

[ One gets the feeling her smile is ever so slightly strained. Don't make this harder than it needs to be. ]

Ah - yes, of course, I'll ask.

[No need to make it complicated.]

Good.

[ Best to agree before her smile turns scary. ]

I'm sure he'll be delighted to have a healer on board. And maybe it's possible there will be further occasions to be cute for the cause.

I look forward to patching up our guildmates while they tell me how amazing you were on your quests.

[ Yeah, well. Speaking of guildmates. ]

I'll be out quite a bit, soon. Finding and fetching items to fix my hibernation. I've spoken to a fair number of people who can help, as well as some scientists who can assist with turning those items into some sort of medicine.

I'm not sure how much you'd care to be involved, there. What's comfortable for you.

I will certainly help find the items you need. That much I can throw myself into without reservations or fear of making a mistake.

[That should say a lot about how comfortable he is with mixing new, untested medicine for her.]

I meant more helping with the research and scientific end of things.

I have plenty of fighters to take with me out into the segments. It's dangerous. I'll have Rosen with me most of the time, or Yuri, or Red Son, or some others I know who are strong fighters and are immortal themselves or have their own healing magic. Or both.

I was afraid you might say that.

Making new and untested medicine is a process that has some risks. There may be side effects, perhaps severe ones.

If what I make to try to help you hurts you, will you forgive me for it?

I know it has risks. Believe me, I know. I've also started gathering people who are able to -- to handle me, if things go bad. I know things could go wrong in a million different ways. [ It's obvious what she's most worried about, though. ]

I have no choice but to be the test subject for this, so it's very possible. I'm willing to take the risks. And of course I'll forgive you if anything happens. Everyone will have tried their best, it won't be anyone's fault.

Would you forgive yourself?

-'Twill be difficult. But - I want badly enough to protect your happiness that even my guilt seems a lesser thing by comparison.

[And she knows how bad his guilt problems are.]

Your happiness, too. And that of others.

[ The way she says others invokes a certain feeling, like she has specific people in mind. So many that are already mourning her, or acting as though she'll be something they have to survive, or telling her not to get her hopes up. Really it's far more rare thing for someone to be sure and determined. ]

Part of my worry about you participating is your being there when the experiments happen. The preparation work is one matter, but. Watching whatever happens, can you handle that? Even if it means I go out of control and someone has to... [ kill her, or try to. ] Or if it means the medicine puts me into hibernation early?

If you go out of control... I know 'tis what you requested, but I would rather not have to see you die.

[It feels selfish to even say that, even though 'not wanting to see your wife get killed' is a fairly reasonable emotion.]

And if I were there, you would likely just worry more about my reaction, and I don't wish to cause you more stress than necessary. So... I don't believe I should watch.

[ She lets out a breath, relieved beyond measure. ] I agree.

[ Which means they'll have to say their goodbyes before she goes in, Just In Case. She knows waiting sucks, but some things suck more. ]

I think that's best. Yuri will be there, he can keep you updated. I'm going to try and keep Venti away too, and Lumine I'll ask to stay with him, but we'll see how successful I am.

There are others who I'd rather not have to watch either, but unfortunately I need them.

I can certainly find a way to get Venti and Lumine out of the house. Venti may be stubborn out of worry for you, but I know he won't wish to distress you more.

[It's hard not being there to help if something goes wrong - but Saya choice comes first, here.]

Maybe if you explain it to him, he'll agree. If he argues with me on it I'll probably cave. And I wouldn't want him to feel like he has to expose who he is to everyone there if I do go out of control.

...I have a terrible feeling that's what will happen. I can't explain why, but it's more than a fear. I feel certain of it.

...You have contingencies for that. You won't be allowed to harm anyone even if that happens.

[But he gives her a reassuring squeeze regardless, knowing his words can only do o much.]

I know. [ But still, she worries. She worries that she's not killable here, and if that's the case how would she be reset? Would she be like that until her hibernation? What would come out the other side? ]

I keep telling myself it's worth the try, but...

[ Well. ]

It is worth it. You deserve to be able to spend your days with your loved ones and not forget the memories you've made. That's why so many people are so eager to help you.

I keep telling myself that. But what I've done, all this time and energy from people, it feels like I'm asking too much. That there's bound to be a backlash.

I don't think anyone would let me give up at this point, so there's that.

We would do even more for you if only we could. I'm confident all your friends would say the same. -And no, giving up is not something we'll accept.

Seasons: IC Contact/Overflow

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