happydreamed | Seasons: IC Contact/Overflow

Ah, yes?

[This could lead into a few different things, so he waits for her to continue.]

[ She's acutely aware that the timing here is Very Suspect. And the thing is that it's not... not about the timing. She feels rejected because of what she is, however much she understands it, and then found someone who specifically likes her because of what she is. ]

Someone is interested in a similar relationship to what I had with Causality. [ Mistress/Servant, essentially. ] More than interested. And it's not something I feel I can turn away -- not just that, this is something I need. [ Right now, especially. ]

I assume it won't be a problem since it wasn't before, but I wanted you to know. He might come over sometimes, so... [ Rosen is pretty blatant about worshipping her, and she has no idea how much of that will be written on his face. Or hers. ]

Edited 2023-03-22 00:14 (UTC)

Not a problem at all. [Kantera doesn't even hesitate to answer. Even if the timing isn't good, he knows that Saya needs that kind of relationship.]

I'll offer him tea if he hangs around.

[ Saya feels like he agreed too easily. That she's not saying enough, because maybe he's assuming this other person is like Causality in terms of being emotionally stunted, and that is certainly not the case. That if he understood how close they got and how quickly, he might hesitate. ]

[ In the end, she decides to just take his assent. If things get more blatantly romantic, she'll revisit it. She isn't great with determining where one side of her ends and the other begins, but surely it'll be fine? ]

[ She gives him a kiss on the head. ] Thank you. I'm sorry to bring it up now, I just didn't want to seem like I'm hiding anything.

Not to worry. [He turns his head to smooch her cheek in return.] Whatever you need, that is what I want.

[That will never change, no matter what.]

[ I need you to promise you won't leave -- she can't say that, of course. So she rests her cheek against his hair and gently strokes his wing. ]

I love you for it.

...It seems like there's always something hard, huh? We need a vacation.

We truly do. -When we find a way to stop your hibernation from happening, perhaps we could celebrate then?

[A second honeymoon, without that worry hanging over it.]

[ When, he says. Like it's inevitable. ]

[ He can probably feel her open her mouth to say something a few times before she ends up letting it hang. ]

When. [He repeats it, more firmly.] I refuse to accept an ending that causes you pain. So we will find a solution.

[He believes it, at least.]

[ The "we" hurts almost as much. ]

...You have no idea how many lifetimes I've been trying to stop it.

I know that I don't know. ...But, I have as long a life as you do, potentially? So even if I don't figure something out in time - I'll keep trying so that you don't have to go through it again. Even if you've already forgotten me.

[That part is the easy part.]

[ Now all of a sudden he's so sure that he'll stick around? Or is this work happening from afar? ]

If it's hurting you to stay with me, then... maybe... [ A bit of a non-sequitur sure, but it's all she can think about. ]

[Afar, unfortunately, is the best he can promise.]

It isn't hurting now. You can't send me away even if you try.

[ Yet again Saya doesn't say anything. ]

[ Possibly unspoken is: but it's hurting me. She suspects it might hurt her more to let him go, but... ]

...Aliza?

[He can't know what he said wrong unless she talks to him.]

[ It's not that he said something wrong. It's that she doesn't see herself saying anything right if she tries to voice what's going on for her. She's so terrible with words. ]

-- I'm sorry. I'm making everything worse.

[He hugs her gently to his chest.]

You have nothing to apologize for, my dear. You've done nothing wrong.

I said I didn't want to spend the time we have in mourning. I don't. I just... can't seem to stop.

[ If she were the type to be more charitable to herself she'd say that she's had a few days to get used to this and he's had however long this was brewing before he told her, but she's not that type. ]

You've hardly had any time. That isn't your fault at all.

[ She nods in such a way that's it's clear she doesn't really buy that. ]

Did you know you felt this way when you asked to get married? [ He had his memories by then, right? This is her roundabout way of asking if they did the right thing. ]

Yes. I've never regretted it for a second.

[ And now she's wondering why he didn't think this information was important for her to know before she agreed to a commitment that, as far as she was concerned, was for life. ]

Was it that you didn't know how to tell me beforehand?

I was afraid that you would think me heartless for killing Grandfather.

[That was, after all, the original memory that prompted this.]

I understand...

[ And she does -- but. And that's got to be the biggest "but" she's ever conceived of. ]

...I think I probably had a right to know this before we got married.

I'm not saying I regret it, just... my head is spinning...

[ Her chest feels tight and everything feels far away. This isn't at all how things were supposed to go for them here. ]

You did, and I'm sorry.

[What happened to the honeymoon they had earned?]

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sangreine - 2023-03-22 03:11 (UTC) - Expand